my boyfriend points out everything i do wrong

From his point of view, he hasnt made any mistakes. Its a costly interpersonal blindspot. He can't take criticism. We are all human, and sometimes we need a break. No matter what happens, he keeps shifting the blame onto you. We ALL question ourselves. If nitpicking is used to degrade the other person and intentionally harm their self-worth, it is toxic and abusive. These are some of the questions you keep thinking about. Many of these are seemingly small, but the impact on your relationship can be great. Even if you put all of the facts in front of him, hell still deny them. The tendency to blame the world blinds people to how their actions affect other people. 3. As a consequence, hes become an egomaniac who genuinely doesnt care what you have to say. Porter E, Chambless DL, Keefe JR. You just don't know how to stand up for yourself. 8. For instance, they might say (in seriousness, not jest), "Well, you know I'm smarter, so obviously I'm right.". The Gottman Institute. He doesnt think hes doing you harm every time he points fingers at you when he knows its not your fault. So, he plays it cool and pretends everythings your fault, as he believes thats one of the best ways to overpower you. If your spouse nitpicks at you, puts you down, or demeans you, it's important that you talk about this issue. The more you invest in recognizing the greatness (or intelligence) of others, the more this will translate into recognizing your own greatness (and intelligence.). Your husband or partner may turn everything around on you because he feels insecure. You partner should come to your aide, or at least recognize that you are not your best self, and that there is room for improvement. By acting as the judge, the jury, the godlike figure, the therapist, etc., these critical people make themselves invisible players in those underlying relationship dynamics. It's important that you realize when nitpicking crosses the line into abuse. Every time you deviate from their expectation of perfection, you get blamed. If you often find yourself cancelling plans with friends, not wearing certain clothing, or not getting that hair cut or tattoo that you wanted in order to please your partner, then you need to take a step back and decide what you are giving up for this person. Even if this isn't your intention, it can be received this way. Not even the slightest. You no longer feel capable of tolerating your partners behavior its all affecting you too much. But he makes me very sad.". Stay positive. If your husband cant take criticism, then that could easily be the reason he turns everything around on you. However, this type of criticism does nothing to help the foundation of your relationship. Sometimes people have to give things up to make their relationship work, but giving up a part of who you are just to comply with your significant other? Maybe you bring your boyfriend around your friends and family a little less because you dont want them to see whats really going on behind closed doors. 6. Of course they work towards being the best people they can be and try to help those they care about be the best people they can be but part of that attitude is greater tolerance not lesser tolerance for human failings. The National Domestic Violence Hotlineis available at1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you are feeling insecure about something, you will obviously feel worse about it when someone points it out. If youre currently in a similar position, then youre probably dealing with the same thoughts. Pointing out what bothers you about people only worsens your deep-seated insecurities. Everyone makes mistakes, apparently, except Mike. He shares his feelings. You need to accept that trying to control your partner by pointing out flaws only creates a lack of intimacy. He or she may be in a position of authority or have a ton of experience to back up his or her beliefs. A self-absorbed husband will naturally turn everything around on you. Concern #1: "I hate validating something I don't feel deserves validation.". Your words might be received well, or your mate could react with anger. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/3\/37\/Be-a-Better-Girlfriend-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-a-Better-Girlfriend-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/3\/37\/Be-a-Better-Girlfriend-Step-11.jpg\/aid8459667-v4-728px-Be-a-Better-Girlfriend-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"