As long as youre responding, thats all that matters. The moment he broke up with you, he stopped being your responsibility. He also seemed to get off on the attention he would receive on FB from him almost all female friends list. I know exactly that was my ex husband he was charismatic in the beginning and tons of love bombing. The cycle begins again. After ten days he started answer and said that i have the right of the trueth and would tell me the day after. He remembers everything I say and twists and turns it intoto something awful he can verbally abuse me with. Yeah, getting closure is tough, for sure. Narcissists have lots of deceptions up their sleeves. There is also pure NPD. They Choose to act like this !!.. And yet, when we became closer, shed act out. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me. I found it odd because 1) We haven't talked 2) He doesn't follow me on Insta, so he deliberately has to go to my profile just to see the Story. I was hooked on how wonderful he treated me before he found his next victim and the lying and calling me crazy started. I thought he would leave me alone now, but no, it is almost worse. He would have cleaned out my bank account, taken everything I had if I didnt wake up and start questioning and realizing finally it wasnt me. He told me the other day he is having a relation with a man now!! When they lose said control, this illusion is shattered. Thank you for mentioning Upturned Souls blog Shes brilliant! As mentioned, narcissists only get involved in a relationship if theres narcissistic supply available, if not, theyre not interested. See, before he went to my landladys house, he didnt really know I was purposely in no contact mode. But you need to know it wont be a normal post relationship friendship, you cant give the narcissist full access to your life or theyll destroy it. Third, the lack of control over what the narcissist can do may cause us to feel insecure about our own actions. I was always the one who would make first contact. And if he does. First of all, because, as you know, no one can ever give you closure; you have to find it yourself. If you can tolerate the emotional rollercoaster that will come with maintaining a friendship with a narcissist, then go ahead. The obsession I have with my most recent ex has been hard to get over, especially as he exhibits these traits. Nothing changes. Those were my last words to him. I re-treated into isolation because I felt it was MY FAULT he had a relapse and I tried everything to get him help however he would not help himself. Who blames them? Thank you for sharing your experience, Josi. So, by being straight and cutting him out for good, you took back the power. We separated in August 2012 four days after our daughters 7th birthday after him striking me so hard I thought hed broken my jaw/cheekbone. They are Masters at the art of manipulation. They even manipulate you to believe that you are a drama queen or some kind of a very sensitive person. He cant go. Im entering the no contact phase but still I want to talk to him. I questioned and disliked the attention seeking but was educated to my insane jealousy. Every conversation came back to him. I have no idea what made the relationship degrade so badly. They dont know half of whats been going on. I stopped talking to his mother the day we spoke about that freezer as much as I love her, I stopped answering her calls. Officially divorced for 16 months and I still think about her every day. Well, I have been no contact now for over 6 months with the occasional letter concerning our daughter. Donald Trump, Roger Stone, and Associates have a better chance of success. We could only dine at restaurants he went to with her family. Reading Suggestion: How Dating a Narcissist Changes You. Indifference is all I can muster now, and that beats anger, resentment and sadness any day. I have a question. Since I feel like the walking dead and a non-functional parasite to society, any suggestions on what can I do? And i know in my mind what i SHOULD think say and feel. The moment I would confront him, he would try to minimize the problem and it made me feel like I was the crazy one. You are one of them whether its because Ive wanted you for sooooo long, or because you possess so many more positive qualities than I ever couldve thought came in one person, or because of the strong love I feel for you that warm, tingly feeling when I touch you or even think of you, the respect I have for you, the weight of your not being close by these past few weeks. This all came to a head when I found out she didnt have 2 children she had 4! I'm not going to contact them first, they'll have to contact me first. That same night, my friend took my car up to the gas station near my house to put air in the tires; this is the same place I met my ex narc and all his little truck driver friends hang out here. Im in a great relationship. I smell a FEW conflicts brewing. But sadly I dont see that happening. The second scenario is that the narcissist left. Although, sometimes he tried to help me. No one makes anyone behave in disorder ways. well I talked with a number of people about this universally they took the view that I needed to 2) accept it kind of placed me in a situation where their support was conditional on my taking this risk at this same time my current book began to mewes on similar lines I am reading: Summa Technologiae by Stanisaw Lem, https://silkred.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/10906319_10152736870728495_4971952455049889714_n.jpg, This quote and my friends advice took me to contact him and accept the offer, I have to say that I am feeling very emotionally released after this I feel very vulnerable but at this same time I am talking about a single person in a group of others so I gamble that ameliorating this tension being cautious remaining much more aware of what I now know will let me refocus on what I really miss which is the flying, I have not flown my glider for 6 months more last June I cannot fly without a lightness in my heart and so hope that this will gift that feeling too me such that I might once more find my feet missing this earth for a little while now and again its not really about him so much as about me and the light inside my heart thats been so dark during these times. A coward who will never know true love. My heart does go out to all of us affected by these crazy makers. 20 Sure Signs a Married Man Wants To Sleep With You. You will find that you will have good days and then feel like youre back at day one. I will never see my loving daughter again from this mess, as she is studying in France. Because in most cases, they will never admit they have a problem. This and her finally admitting it was her ex in the car broke me. I had PTSS at that time from it. Then I inserted the worst photo of the narc Id ever seen and said, Ill always remember you this way. I heard he is hurt (really?). I also asked him to take my photos down of me on his facebook page and he said NO, why feel the need to keep them up?? Borderline is distinct from Narcissism. Cheers! He started so many arguments before bed and then would just roll over and sleep while I lay there in complete anxiety. Narcissists don't mind getting physical to get what they want. Dont beat yourself up too badly about having to start over. My ex wants me to do the same and I refuse. Its simply to make you doubt your judgment and make you wonder about your behaviors, which conveniently changes your focus from what HES doing. After reading articles to discover the reasons for my disastrous past actions, I discovered, both I and my wife are narcissistic sociopaths. Cara- it sounds like you may be codependent like I am. Good Luck. There are several reasons why the narcissist wants to be friends with an ex, here are three of them: Obviously, the narcissist isnt going to tell you this, but eventually, theyll try and sleep with you. We had some good times together. Yes, I truly thought she may have been my soul mate after all, although even then I was skeptical at how extremely clingy she was. What she did do was lie, manipulate, triangulate relationships, curt me off a handful of times, etc. You are well aware that they mistreated you when you were together. I tried to ignore them simply because I had no understanding of NPD at that point. For example, he could be a Narcissist and Borderline, too (or vice versa). I know what it is. Samantha, one reason is that they cant show their true colors to the new supply. Very, very sad that I have let this woman take up so much wasted space and time in my brain. A wife was left feeling 'angry and confused' after her husband asked if he can have an affair with another woman. We broke up 9 months ago and it has taken this long to get him out of my system to the point where I can have a normal life. I STARTED TO BELIEVE ALL THE UGLY THINGS HE SAID ABOUT ME. So, she had all the tools; looks, charm, compliments, flattery, pretty good intelligence overall, and seemed to have a caring heart. She looked even better than she did in high school, and more importantly, she was 100% my type. The narcissist will attempt to convince you that theyre the best lover youve ever had. Yes, Kim is right, the label doesnt matter, but the healing is important. Why? I was used & abused verbally & emotionally to the point of Total EXHAUSTION without realising until months after he discarded me like a used dirty tissue He wont even consider that he has ANY issues. He blocked ME from texting and calling first! Believe me! Maybe its just a matter of time he contacts me again. A few days ago he blocked me againthe fourth or fifth time. Are they capable of friendship? . I dont know if or when I could ever be with someone new. I want you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. The peak end rule. Everything Im reading is exactly what has been happening in my life. let them back in in anyway and you will find yourself back at Day One, curled up in a fetal position. Totally cut her off..dropped her like a hot potato. These people have NO true sense of self so they, like chameleons, change to impress the new supply, but eventually their true pathology will come out. I have examined my heart and mind, and I love him purely and truly. I saved them onto my Google backup account and was able to delete them off of my phone so he couldnt see them. I cant believe I found this page. I dont know much about borderlines but I do know my ex fits most of narcissist diagnosis without the nastiness. They are tortured souls that cant be fixed. I said nope, I will not give you that satisfaction. His value is his weakness, not his strengththink of it that wayhe hasnt figured her out yet. I decided to allow him to see our son yesterday because it was his bday. She will never admit it though. Thanks Kim for sharing the hoovering video. Theyll seek out your biggest weakness, insecurity, or theyll touch on something they know will really hurt you, and theyll go all out with it. And they then have the audacity to comment that you have caused irreparable damage during the relationship! I am shocked at myself..I am savvy.. but his lies and deception shone through and good luck to his new GF ..he wants women with high profiles to further himself.. and I had many contacts.maybe getting so distraught and phoning his Mom was not a good idea.. but hey he said he had his own home yes lies lies lies.. never ending. He said if he found it, he would put it in my mailbox, which is next to my landladys house. The mind fuckery The future faking The list is endless. Being away from you hurts. The therapist that was to support me said ,you need him. Get Zari's Book - Change Your Life. Theyll start being overly nice by buying you gifts, and taking you out. But on an emotional level it is so hard to accept that the man I so loved is just an empty shell. He always wanted money I never knew so many people who died is such a short period of time on his side of the family. I finally get a text i am with kristen now she is loyal i dont need you your full of drama if you text me again i will get you for phone harrassment i will call the cops . Regardless of who broke up, it was your fault. After first break up there was No Contact for a year and a half and when I finally forgot all of the things that occurred and I was quickly back in a whirlwind romance; only to move back into the list above. On the other hand that voice Dont do it!! Now I know he was never really sorry. Although youre no longer together, the narcissist will want to remain as close to you as possible to continue their reign of terror. I am sane enough to get away from him and no longer put up with his narcissistic, messed up personality. I wonder often why he holds more value to her than I did? No contact. They get tired of it and i lost my best friend because of this. If there is fate, it has taught me to check my own energy and try to be as positive, or at least neutral, as I can in social situations. I used to wish I was the other woman at first until I fully accepted that my ex was a Narc/Psychopath (diagnosed). Because we did everything together there is a lot of memories. I could, I miss you terribly . What do you think? Ex left me, remember? He began making friends unknown to me and did not include me on outings. He took on my other three kids from previous marriage. I have gone so far as to delete his name and all pictures from my iPad. Yess creeving time is gone. I have a hard head and have struggled for years. Now, its been almost three months since the ex has seen me at all. He is sick and will not stop I do not know how to stay away when my daughters and yes me would do anything for him to change. But later i felt he was meaning it. This has been the biggest help realizing that the times he was being hateful were reflections of how he really felt about me. Youd think by now these Narcs would come up with a new algorithm. Then she blocks me, so I cant say anything. I am optimistic and confident I will rediscover myself and feel love, self joy and a genuine joy and contentment from life again. I love being on my own and alone but when I think of my ex narc the pain of his disc a rd wont go away and it seems like hes the only thing that can remind me of what love felt like. I expressed my discomfort, and he got very upset and said I was being crazy, she was his friend. Her voice sounded as though she never left high school. I only wish I had this site to counsel me at the time! We maxed out my credit. AMONGST 14 OTHER PPL. I send an angry mail he plays that other person also. Has it been easier than just having him up and leave? Did not hear from him for a view days. The new supply doesn't know the narcissist's agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. That person i first met disappeared after a month or two and thats what kept me trying so hard to make it work. 1. Its only in a weak moment when he has some contact with his heart that he contacts you. He said affcourse. Their actions actually turned me off. But the real challenge is when he contacts me. Turning his family on me . This is not to advocate this approach as the only valuable one. Mine apologized for the first time in five years when she realized I wasnt coming back. His charming ways of ordering sushi dinner in a restaurant or buying me Chanel make up for no reason and our all night talks about a myriad of topics will be something I may always miss HOWEVER his blank face backstage while his sister accosted me at The Metro will be something I will always remember and therefore I will put the narcissistic, artistic, beautiful boy back into the memory box labeled 7th grade and seal it upFOREVER. Let them live their small lives while you carry on with complete indifference. Even in relationships with normal, mentally healthy individuals, that is the case. However, this is where I am and I accept that I arrived here on my own two feet. 30 days of No Contact are the pivot of embracing the breakup and trying to fix yourself. Keep in mind that this woman more or less pushed herself into my life after I initially reached out to her. Keep learning about this disorder and you will finally see the puzzle come together. There were a couple of woman that would come in and out of is life as a close friend to him. And thats not me yelling at you, however just emphasizing how, their never-wrong, always-right disposition has found them finally without you. I have been dating this man from two years after a tough separation (with a covert narcissist too). This one I am still dealing with has been a nightmare to come to terms with from an emotional standpoint. The narcissist completely brainwashes that you are the reason for the damage of the relationship. I renewed my revulsion to being the other woman then wrote the narcissist a polite note saying I was getting busy elsewhere, and thought a clean break was the best idea for me. Or does he think this well work out for him in the long run? I remain perpetually on the fence about him! I new no one in dayton new to the area married for twenty eight years grievieng hard . That he didnt mean to hurt me, never wants to see me hurt..but no apology. She cant hold down a job event though she is amazing at what she does and always gets great pay but has never once saved any. For the beginning of my adult life that was what I attracted to me. I turned to Pintrest for inspirational quotes to occupy my time and uplift me, when all of a sudden I start seeing articles about narcissism and I too felt like I was reading my life. Fast forward to one of our first big fights, he wanted to invite her to our wedding, I said I did not want her there, and he got very upset and said she was his friend and she would be there or else 7 years of our relationship, she was always there for him during our troubling times for him, I never had any type of friendship extended to me.This was the beginning of unforeseen trouble. This is all about them. Not enjoy myself? The presumably psycho female property manager of condominium got the Condo RO for me for INTIMIDATING threatening, interrogating HUGE MEN, such as plumbers, security etc, groups of them!! They may even have tried to use manipulative techniques to keep us in the relationship, such as threatening to hurt themselves or to hurt us. Also, while he was here, I told him I couldnt find the remote to my livingroom tv; I wasnt sure I packed it up in his stuff when he left that night but I told him if he happened to come across it, fine. You stated that Narcissists are never happy. Regarding your FB pics, you could try marking them as spam and then consider removing him as a friend if you havent already. Oh yes, and my narc has been telling people I am trying to rip him off and that I am a narc and mentally ill alcoholic, WTF. I think that hit a nerve. If nothing else, my comments should give you insights from unknowing narcissistic sociopath. Wow! 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In five years when she realized I wasnt coming back only dine at restaurants he went to with family! Didnt have 2 children she had 4 I attracted to me and did not hear him...
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